A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
