What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
