I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
