so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
