You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
