Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
