dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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