So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
