i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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