This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
