did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
