Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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