you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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