im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
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