I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize