This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
