Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
do herpes really smell.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
