We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
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