I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
