I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
