we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
are you so shy because you have an std?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
