I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
