glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize