i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
what is it with giant penises always finding me
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
