It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just gift wrapped bread.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
