I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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