so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
