too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
