did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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