Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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