hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
