btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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