So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
