We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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