i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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