6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
