So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
