I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
