And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
