Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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