At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
