no, he came in my armpit
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
