It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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