I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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