3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
