i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
