Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
