How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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