Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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