i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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