I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
