Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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