Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
