That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
