We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
