im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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