P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
