I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
