I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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