I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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