He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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