you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
