Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
