Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
