the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
This girl is more easily done than said...
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize