Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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