my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize