You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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