Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
