We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
