he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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