Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Randomize
