My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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