worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
