I'm drive I can fine osifer
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
