Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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