All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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