I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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