I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
