WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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