pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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