eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
