My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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