at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he told me I talked like a deaf person
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Church boner. Awkwardddd
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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