Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
