do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
