what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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