I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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