So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Randomize
