I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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